I hurt everyone – Dad, Matt, and Allie – all of them had to watch and suffer. I was just blind to it all at the time. I only cared about taking that next hit. I ignored everything else, only caring about myself and my next high. All you wanted to do was help me, but I kept pushing you away the more you tried. I wasn’t acting like a son to you, and I didn’t even care. I didn’t care about anything but the drugs.

Every single time I hurt you, it got a lot easier. I remember sneaking the credit card from your purse. You didn’t realize what had happened until you got the bill at the end of the month.

Remembering that makes me so ashamed. Believe me I plan to repay you every last cent. I manipulated you, more than anyone, more than myself. I could always tell when I was pushing your buttons but I knew deep down that no matter what I did, you would still accept me. All I wanted was the fix. I was supposed to come over to dinner that one night, because I was going to talk to you and dad about my problem.

I told myself over and over again that I would be there. You had dinner ready, but I didn’t come. I never told you why, but I was passed out in my apartment. You of course, were worried, so you came to find me. And then what? You found me. You found me in a bad state, all the evidence of the night before draped around the room. I heard you crying and I just got angry. I said some nasty things and made you leave.